


Another Day Like Today

by rinji_chan1



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, I honestly don't know how to do tags, I wrote this when I was 16 so excuse the sloppy lines or some wrong grammar/spelling, Lots of Angst, Minor Character Death, Old Fanfic, Serious Illness, Song fic, un-betaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22881037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinji_chan1/pseuds/rinji_chan1
Summary: The doctor says I have a condition. A horrible disease.(Posted this back in 2017 on livejournal; one of my first fanfics ever posted. Story's based on Nino's solo: Mata Kyou to Onaji Asu ga kuru, and a majority of his other solo songs.)
Relationships: Ninomiya Kazunari/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Another Day Like Today

The doctor says I have a condition. _A horrible disease._ As he explained to me in detail my situation, my knees grow weak and I feel a heavy weight in my chest that I could not bear. It's the end of the world for me. _My world._

***

I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, on a Saturday morning. I, as always, never felt like going outside. The outdoors for me felt intimidating. I remember how you would complain that I was so lazy and that you wanted to go on a trip, go hiking, fishing, and whatever you wanted to do. I would often argue that it would be a bother and a waste of money. And then you would nag, all day long.

It had me thinking that maybe, just once, if we went outside for a date like before, everything would have been different. Maybe you wouldn't have left. But, hey, I can't blame you. I do admit that this side of me is quite selfish and arrogant. I can understand the reason why you hate me now. It's alright if you don't come back. Maybe you've already found someone else by now. And I should too. Then again, I don't think I'll find anyone like you. And I don't think anyone would like me either. I don't know. I don't want to know...

***

Sometimes I couldn't sleep at night, for some reason; I would be lying on my bed, with my eyes still wide open. I thought it would be fine if you weren't here and that I would eventually get used to it. I was wrong; you were always on my mind. I would remember all the memories we shared together.

Our first date wasn't that romantic, like how you wanted it to be. It kind of disappointed you, I think. I wasn't able to bring enough money for us to eat at a fancy restaurant; instead we bought ramen noodles and ate at the convenience store. Nevertheless, we enjoyed that night, talking about a lot of things. And you would laugh at my petty jokes.

I also remembered that you loved singing. We would go to the karaoke bar with our friends. A lot of them complimented about your singing voice. Some would tell you that you'd be a great idol, and you would blush and be flattered by such comments. I do miss hearing your voice; that warm and angelic voice of yours that would call out my name, a voice that brings me comfort and peace.

And there are times that I would dream of you, if ever I would slowly let myself to sleep. I would dream that you were still by my side. I wish that I would never wake up from this dream. But unfortunately, I have to always wake up to the painful reality. I would then wonder where you are, and how you are doing, until I fall asleep again and the cycle would begin again. This might be my punishment for what I had done to you. This is my cruel fate...

***

It's already ten in the morning and I just woke up. "How pathetic," I say as I looked at my reflection on the bathroom mirror. Maybe I do deserve this punishment, and maybe I don't deserve you at all. In fact, it may be best for you to find someone else-- someone better than me. But, where would I go? For now, I have no one. I don't know how to move on at this situation.

Until now I still love you. I still want to see you, touch you. I want to hear your voice, so that I can move on, _so that I can finally forget._

I tried calling you by phone, but you don't answer. I went out to the veranda to get a good reception, still no answer. I sent you a text to call me back, nothing happened. I went back in and sat on the couch and pondered deeply. From the back of my head, I knew that something was off. I noticed that our pictures, which were supposedly on the shelf, were missing. Did I put them away? Did I misplace them? I can't remember where I put them. _Why? Why is it I can't remember?_

I felt stuck, my mind was empty at that moment. In the first place, I'd never thought that one day you would leave me. I have known you for a long time but I don't have an idea on where you would go. Where on earth are you? There was only one place that I could think of. It's unlikely you'd be there, but it would be worth to try. Our favorite meeting spot; the place where you and I first met...

***

If I remember correctly, the bench was my favorite place to rest. The bench was placed on top of an elevated land, underneath a cherry blossom tree beside it. It also had a complete view of the metropolis. That day, I sitting on that bench, taking a nap. And then you came and sat down on the same bench. I opened my eyes as soon as I felt your presence. You were so focused on what you were doing, I became curious and took a quick glance at what you were scribbling on your notepad. You drew with a yellow and orange colored pencil a beautiful sunset, under it were colorful rectangular boxes, which I think, of course, are the buildings. I was amazed by how you drew the scenery of the place. There were so many colors that you put on that drawing, even though the real buildings were either just painted grey or white.

"Your drawing's really pretty." I said, hesitately. I had no idea how to start the conversation and it took me quite a while to think of what were the right words to say.

You then stopped moving your pencil and looked at me. By your facial expression, I could tell that you were somewhat startled by my sudden interruption. "Yes," you said. "Thank you. It still needs some corrections though."

"Is that so? It looks okay to me." I say, as maybe it would cheer you up a little bit, but you didn't say anything back. "By the way," I continued. "Don't artists usually draw what they see? If so, then why do the buildings in your drawing have color, when in reality they don't?"

"Color has a great impact in a drawing, that's why. Color also gives meaning and emotion. An example would be, if from a perspective of an artist who thinks of the world around him boring, he then would draw them in dull colors. Otherwise, surely, he will color them with bright and warm colors. And so what if it is not the object's true colors? Because that is how it is seen in the eyes of the artist. It's the same thing with people to the important persons in their lives."

I had become speechless; I did not know what to reply. I then simply nodded and you proceeded to continue your work. I wondered then, surely, your outlook on this world is very colorful and vibrant. I could tell you had a very positive attitude. I, on the other hand, was the opposite; I resented this world. There was nothing to look forward to. Every day would feel like the same day, like it was as if I was in a loop, there was neither an end nor a beginning of anything. I was just simply living.

I concluded that you and I were too different. It was an awkward encounter, and yet, after that meeting, we would frequently meet each other at the same place. I'd never thought we would actually become friends, not even more than friends. It was only then I thought that there indeed was something to look forward to in this life, and to me it was you who helped me realize that...

***

It has been long since I visited this place. Not much had changed; the bench of course was still there. The cherry blossoms have yet to bloom again. The city now had more buildings and skyscrapers. However, you were nowhere to be found, and I'm not that surprised. I kind of expected it. What was the point of going here then? I asked myself.

I looked at the twilight sky and watched the pastel colored clouds slowly overlap each other and see the sunlight shine through them. Like the light was tainting the sky with its color. I still remember that drawing of yours. I still remember what you told me, and I could say you were right after all. Color gives meaning-- I give it meaning by how I see things. The way I see the view right now is different from how I viewed it before. Nothing much has changed in this place, but I did-- I had changed. You changed me.

"Wow, beautiful view isn't it?" Another passer-by, an old man said aloud.

I chuckled. "Yes, indeed it is."

"Time really does fly fast. I never thought I'd still live this long. Hopefully I'll get to celebrate New Year's Eve this 2016!" He then laughed.

"2016?"

"Yes, and next year is 2017 already, my boy."

"Isn't this year the year 2012?"

The old man looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"Next year it will be the year 2013, right?"

The old man then frowned at me and sighed. "It is already 2016. Just three months more, it'll be the year 2017. I hope you understand; I'm sorry to have bothered you." He then went on his way back and left.

I stood there alone, lost in confusion. Has it been that long that I've already lost track of time? If so, then, what have I been doing for the past five years? I can't remember anything. You don't answer my calls, our pictures at home were missing...

And then, for a split-second, all the memories came back to me. It was like every moment of my life had flashed before my eyes. It was all too overwhelming. Until I finally remembered _that day_.

After an argument we had, you went out of the house and left me. I demanded where you were going, but you didn't answer and kept walking without looking back. Maybe if I went out and ran after you and pleaded for you to come back, the accident would never have happened. But I didn't do anything. Instead, I stayed inside the house, assuming that you'll come back anyway. But you didn't come back; you never did...

As I walked on my way back home, I wondered how many times this has happened to me. How many times have I sulked, hoped, and mourned? To think that I would soon forget about your death again, once I go to sleep. Would I also forget what happened today? Would I even remember that it's not the year 2012 anymore? Will I forever be stuck with this kind of life because of my condition?

The more I think about it, the more I become scared of what is happening to me. All my memories would soon fade away, and someday I would forget people's names and faces. In the end, I might be able forget about you completely. And then the pain would just disappear like that, won't it? I want to forget and move on, but I can't bear not to remember you either. _No, I don't want to forget at all. No..._

***

The doctor told me that my Alzheimer's is gradually getting worse. I now keep a journal in which I have to take note on every that I do and every thing that happened, every day. I also label some of my belongings. And of course I have to take my daily medication and visit the hospital regularly.

As I walk my way back home after a check-up, I take a stop-over at the usual place. I climb up the stairs and I take a deep breath once I made it to the top. I then went towards the bench and sat there. The scenery is as beautiful as always; seeing the mesmerizing and vast blue sky and underneath is the city filled with tall buildings. Also, the petals of the cherry blossoms from the tree are drizzling in front of my view. I do not know why, but sometimes I would feel sad. It's like something's tugging at my heartstrings, as if there's something missing...

I wonder what happened to that girl who I met at this very place. The girl with the notepad. Until now, her words are still stuck in my head. I do remember that she gave me that drawing of hers before she left. Written there was her name and phone number, maybe I can call her now. Then again, she might not answer but who knows. But for now, I'll just take my time here. It would be nice to see her again...

_At least once, I would like to see you again._


End file.
